Traumatic is the closest word I could come to describe life as of recently. I had sunken into a devastating cycle of despair, self hating, self loathing, and misery. It often is hard to stay mindful when your world decides to become complete chaos in the matter of moments.
Devastation hit home when I almost lost the love of my life. The one constant that has driven me to ultimately become a stronger person and have more faith in myself. I had always heard people speak of how love could change you to your core when you found it but I had never experienced that kind of love before.
I have loved and have been loved, but the love the grounds you and makes you want to be a better you is an aww inspiring thing. When that was pulled from under me and nearly taken away it was crippling in a new way. I was blessed to not lose that love though.
Through all the emotions which seemed to pass at times as if lighting had struck to watching a snail crawl across the pavement. You don't always have time to think about anything but only react.
The last 2 1/2 months I forgot to truly care for myself in all regards and I'm sadly suffering for it now. I feel far from grounded and often can not slow my thoughts down long enough to collect them.
I have struggled to use my creative outlets as normal and find myself panicking in times that seem irrational. As I sit here dwelling once again unable to find sanctuary within sleep I know to my core to find balance again I have to take control of what seems uncontrollable. Routine is going to have to become a vital part of my life again. Blogging is one of those outlets I should be using as well to help express myself.
So I set a goal here and now to blog at least twice a week.
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